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WANT TO BOOK LIONEL FOR AN
EXHIBITION OR PRESENTATION?
Do this online
HERE |
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1.
I used to eat a lot of
natural foods until I
learned that most people die
of natural causes.
2. Gardening
Rule: When weeding, the best
way to make sure you are
removing a weed and not a
valuable plant is to pull on
it. If it comes
out of the ground easily, it
is a valuable plant.
3. The easiest
way to find something lost
around the house is to buy
a replacement.
4. Never take
life seriously.
Nobody gets out alive
anyway.
5. There are two
kinds of pedestrians: the
quick and the dead.
6. Life is
sexually transmitted.
7. An
unbreakable toy is useful
for breaking other toys.
8. If quitters
never win, and winners never
quit!, then who is the fool
who said, "Quit while you're
ahead?"
9. Health is
merely the slowest possible
rate at which one can die.
10. The only
difference between a rut and
a grave is the depth.
11. Give a
person a fish and you feed
them for a day; teach that
person to use the Internet
and they won't bother you
for weeks.
12. Some people
are like Slinkies.
not really good for
anything, but you still
can't help but smile when
you see one tumble down the
stairs.
13. Health nuts
are going to feel stupid
someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.
14. Have you
noticed since everyone has a
camcorder these days no one
talks about seeing UFOs like
they used to?
15. Whenever I
feel blue, I start
breathing again.
16. All of us
could take a lesson from the
weather.
It pays no attention to
criticism.
17. Why does a
slight tax increase cost you
two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut saves
you thirty cents?
18. In the 60's,
people took acid to make the
world weird.
Now the world is weird and
people take Prozac to make
it normal.
19. Politics is
supposed to be the
second oldest profession.
I have come to realize that
it bears a very
close resemblance to the
first.
20. How is it
one careless match can start
a forest fire, but it takes
a whole box to start a
campfire?
AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE
DAY:
You read about all these
terrorists most of them came
here legally, but they hang
around on these expired
visas, some for as long as
10 -15 years.
Now, compare that to
Blockbuster; you are two
days late with a video and
those people are all over
you. Let's
put Blockbuster in charge of
immigration!
Have a great day!
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